Is Your Child Strong Willed?

10Feb09

Journey of a Strong-Willed Child

The most powerful teaching for parenting I find is learning from others. We not only learn by watching other parents with their kids but also from their stories. Last year my husband and I invited a parent couple to meet with us. These parents had 3 grown sons whom we were both sincerely impressed with and we wanted to know what they did to raise such amazing sons. Their stories intrigued us and inspired us; both the failures and successes.

Recently I received a copy of “Journey of a Strong-Willed Child” written by a mom, dad and their son. Now that immediately interested me as it would be from three different perspectives of one family growing up with a strong willed child. Having been a strong willed child myself and whose parents had a dog-eared copy of Dr. Dobson’s book “The Strong Willed Child”, I was intrigued to read this story.

Aaron, the strong willed son, was off the charts. You will be absolutely shaking your head when you read of the things he did as a boy such as bringing teachers and coaches to their knees. I can recall doing the same thing with my own music teacher in high school. Unfortunately I got the better of her and the class lost respect in her. Just like Aaron, I had a strong sense of justice growing up. I could absolutely relate. (Now, I’m a Children’s Pastor… yikes!)

Aaron challenged coaches and teachers when they were not enforcing the rules they themselves had implemented. I loved the story of him challenging his teacher for drinking coffee in class because the rule was no food or drink in the classroom. The poor teacher crumbled rather than enforcing her authority and soon found herself going out into the hallway to sip her coffee. That was the beginning of the end for the students respecting her. They simply were testing the boundaries and didn’t know it. She failed and they walked all over her from then on.

Kendra, Aaron’s mom, tells the story of Aaron refusing to write in his journal at school and getting the majority of the class to boycott the assignment. The teacher called in his parents and with tears in her eyes asked what should she do. The teacher had not stood her ground and had allowed the behavior continue throughout the school year. There were only six weeks of school left when she finally called in his parents. Kendra was absolutely embarrassed and wanted to scold the teacher for giving power to Aaron. Instead, she told the teacher that Aaron would begin writing in his journal as instructed. That evening Aaron’s parents made it very clear that he would no longer behave poorly in class and if he did, he would pay the price at home. From then on every day he cried before the bus arrived while she cried after it left. Yes, loving discipline hurts. The teacher had lost control because she had given up her power. Yay for Aaron’s parents for maintaining their authority with such a strong-willed child!

Where do you lead your strong willed child?

John, Aaron’s dad, writes… “It is important for you to look for ways to reinforce the positive attributes your son or daughter possesses simply because of their strong willed nature.” John shares about an experience when Aaron’s Soccer coach got mad and started using profanity. Aaron walked off the field. When the coach got angry and called him back, Aaron simply said that soccer was supposed to be fun and it wasn’t fun when the coach used bad language to scold the team. His response surprised the coach and made him more furious. The coach said, “Fine. Then go home.” “I will,” said Aaron. Days later the coach called their home to apologize. Although the apology was accepted, Aaron decided not to keep playing Soccer. The fact that Aaron took a stand against coarse language was to be applauded. That’s a strong willed child using his gift for good and his parents commended him for that.

How to effectively teach a strong willed child.

I love the story of how a new teacher for Aaron was not threatened by his out of the box thinking and instead encouraged him to problem solve his own questions. Other teachers had responded to Aaron’s questions with, “Aaron, we are NOT discussing that right now. Please don’t waste our time with your unrelated questions.” But now, if Aaron asked a question, which she did not have an answer for; she responded with, “That’s a great question Aaron. I’m not sure what the answer is, but maybe you can look it up in the encyclopaedia during break and find something.”

At one point the new teacher, who responded in love to Aaron and was not threatened by him, found herself being physically attacked by a student bully. Aaron came to her rescue because he respected her and could not bear the thought of someone hurting this kind person. “He risked his well-being (and becoming a later target of this bully) as an act of loyalty to someone he loved and respected. What a change in behaviour, a logical response to his new teacher’s behaviour.”

The Journey of a Strong-Willed Child is filled with stories to inspire parents of strong willed children to hold the reigns tightly and yet lovingly with their children. Whatever happened to Aaron? Thanks to his parents knowing where to set the boundaries for Aaron and knowing his need for loving discipline, he has grown up to become a successful veterinarian, married and with a child of his own (whose strong willed nature is yet to be determined).

Have you got a strong willed child? You’ll enjoy reading the stories and perhaps laugh at the similarities and rejoice that other parents have successfully road the journey of parenting a strong willed child. You can get a copy of Journey of a Strong-Willed Child from Amazon.

Visit Kendra Smiley’s website.

Filed under: Parenting Strong Willed Children, parenting strong willed child   |  2 Comments
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