How To Discipline My Toddler?

20Apr09

I had a few parents ask me this past week, “How do I discipline my toddler?” Ah, discipline – it’s the number one topic of both parents and teachers. It’s the foundation of positive parenting and teaching. So, together, the mother and I had the opportunity right then and there to do a teachable moment. You can use this technique with your toddler and watch your parenting effectiveness develop. I love this technique…

This is what happened after the mom asked, ‘how to discipline my toddler without yelling’..

The two toddlers suddenly took off running. Sound familiar? It happens to me and my two preschoolers all the time. It’s simply the stage of life they are in. Kids need repetition. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times…” We’ve said that before. Toddlers need gentle reinforcement and reminders. Trouble is, this takes a major dose of patience. So, we herded the toddlers back and said, “let’s do that over again. Let’s do a ‘do-over’. So, we took the boys back to the door and practiced walking with mom closely and slowly through the parking lot to the car. It worked!

In sports ‘perfect practice makes perfect’. If you do the wrong thing over and over again in practice, you’ll do the wrong thing in a game. So, you need to show your child how to do something right and often over and over again with a calm, gentle but firm voice. With my own kids, I’ll practice what it looks like to do a grocery store run ahead of time. We’ll even pretend to do grocery shopping at home. I know that my sons are visual learners so they need to see what proper behaviour looks like before we ‘discover’ it by chance. Discipline by discovery doesn’t work.

Sometimes I use a gentle ear tug if my son is crossing the line. I squat to his level and whisper gently in his ear “remember son, this is unacceptable. What should you be doing instead?” Often, simply a gentle hand on his shoulder works first and there is no need for an ear tug but, that’s because we’ve practiced good behaviour over and over.

By no means am I a perfect parent. I’m on the journey of parenting toddlers too. So, I read a good amount of books and one that was recommended to me before I had toddlers even was, “Secrets of Discipline: 12 Keys for Raising Responsible Children” by Ronald G. Morrish. The old saying, “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” goes for this book. It is a low budget printed book, but with the most valuable content on discipline I have ever read. It’s absolutely clear and practical.

What’s the book’s basic message on how to discipline toddlers?

“Real discipline has three parts and they work like building blocks. Each has an essential role to play in creating the structure that we call discipline.”

Block one is train. You have to train a child to obey adult direction, to respect authority and to comply with rules and limits. He gives easy practical examples and steps which work!

Block two is teach. The only way that children become responsible and cooperative is to learn the skills. They must learn how to resolve conflict, how to work and play with others. These skills must be systematically taught using appropriate teaching techniques, including direction instruction, practice, correction and review. Again he gives easy, practical examples and steps that work.

Block three is manage. This deals with choices. If children are to become responsible adults, they need to be given more freedom as they get older. You can begin to give your child choices once they’ve got the first two building blocks down. Then as the child becomes older, they can become responsible! This usually comes down the road after toddlerhood but simple choices can be given to your toddler once you get the first two blocks down. How freeing this is when your child shows signs of responsibility!

“Children are expected to learn their skills from personal experience. Supposedly, they will learn to be responsible and co-operative just by experiencing the outcomes of their choices. This is why so many children are struggling these days and why so many adults are frustrated with discipline.”

“Children who are not well-trained and well-taught are often called “unmanageable”.

If you don’t do the training and teaching of discipline first, the management part won’t work for you.

Need some help on how to discipline toddlers? Get yourself a copy of “Secrets of Discipline: 12 Keys for Raising Responsible Children” by Ronald G. Morrish and let me know what you think and how it goes. Perhaps we could start up a discussion group on the book. If you’re interested, let me know. I’d love to hear real life examples and learn a few things from you too!

Blessings on your parenting journey as you learn how to discipline toddlers in order to raise responsible adults.

Filed under: How to Discipline Toddlers, Parenting Strong Willed Children, be an affective parent   |  4 Comments
Tags: how to discipline, how to discipline my toddler, to discipline a toddler, to discipline toddler, to discipline toddlers, to discipline your toddler